: Erotica is not a genre I read, but the lusting male gaze in some fantasy and sci-fi - I cannot say that I always find it offensive. On the contrary - I can find it quite pleasant. I
Erotica is not a genre I read, but the lusting male gaze in some fantasy and sci-fi - I cannot say that I always find it offensive. On the contrary - I can find it quite pleasant. I want to be lusted after this way.
Which is, I think, the key to your question: consider how a woman would want to be wanted, and how she wouldn't want to be wanted.
What are some differences?
Heinlein's characters, for example, never consider that a woman might not be interested. Of course she is, or will be. Which is to say the woman has no character, no agency. She isn't a person, but an object with no will. That - I don't like.
A man might be attracted to a woman's appearance, but she has other character traits, doesn't she? A man might be drawn by a woman's wit, strength, the way she moves. Or he might be repulsed by her cruelty, no matter how pretty she is. When a woman is nothing but a chunk of meat or a barbie doll, it is disturbing.
There is the question of consent. Wanting to "do things to her" is objectifying. Wanting to do things with her, or have her do things to the guy is more interesting.
Which all boils down to: in the man's thoughts, treat the woman as a person, not an object. Men, for the most part, want women rather than sex dolls. Women want to be wanted as women, definitely not sex dolls. Win-win.
More posts by @Deb2945533
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