: Re: In this day and age should the definition / categorisation of erotica be revised? My experience tells me that a disproportionate number of wannabe writers are prudes. I recently wrote a scene

@Welton431

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Some background. Erotica, as a genre, means that mind-blowing sex is the point of the story. If you take away the sex and the story just isn't interesting, or no longer has a point, then it's erotica. Otherwise it just has erotic themes.

So why the outrage?

Well. I have only theories, but here they are all the same.

First. 'traumatic event eviscerated character's libido', then brought back by 'dirty dancing'. This is a problematic approach. For two reasons. One, it can be taken to perpetuate that asexuality is the result of 'traumatic event'. Two, it can be taken to mean that therapy doesn't help, you just need to get over it.

Whether that was your intent is irrelevant. What little you said can be taken out of context and understood this way. It's why 'traumatic event' (heedless of what you mean by this) is hard to write well.

Second. It could be a simple case of sexualizing women, and/or sexualizing lesbians. Don't get me wrong, I love me some smut. I love me lesfic, and I love F/F romance. In fact, it's almost exclusively what I write these days (though less so for the smut).

But. It's possible that people can get a bit touchy if a non-lesbian writes lesbian fiction. Not because it's hard, but because it's hard to write a lesbian's life experience if you're a straight woman (I've dated straight women, they're usually clueless about lesbian experiences). It's made worse if you're perceived as a man. And it only adds insult to injury if you're perceived as a straight man writing women-loving-women fiction.

Is everything you wrote realistic? From what little I've seen, no. Not really. The events themselves are fine, it's the context of 'traumatic event' not once crossing the character's mind. Sexuality (and sex drive) aren't switches that can be flicked on and off. And furthermore, there are few women I know that dive straight in when they know they have time (your mileage may vary).

A more natural progression (which is super dependant on the type of woman, but generally speaking) would be something along the lines of:

character (she) sees sexy-time scene on tv
she isn't bothered (it doesn't trigger her)
she starts to question why she isn't bothered
she figures it doesn't matter (tells herself, "she keeps telling me to live in the moment")
can she imagine herself in scene? if yes, she imagines herself and love interest acting out scene. if no, changes channel
cuddle hormones are released (arousal point in women) she wants to touch and be touched, skin starts feeling soft, every move on couch highlights her body feels different
starts to affect breathing, 'the itch' starts up and wants to scratch it
depending on what she's into, she might then go in for the kill, but again that isn't common. this is where most (if not all) women enjoy being teased, temporarily being denied what they want/need, with the promise they'll get it and more if they're patient.

Do you see how different my progression is from yours?

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