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Topic : Re: How to get across pain more effectively in my story? I have been writing a story about a young pianist living with the great composers. After the composers have a meeting, it is decided that - selfpublishingguru.com

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Perhaps the biggest indicator of pain is not the actions of the injured one, but of those who care about them. Make them somewhat frantic, visibly upset and even a little irrational.

Have them snap at the nurses/doctors, accusing them of not doing anything (then apologizing if it fits the character). Have them pacing the room, wringing their hands. Don't use extended dialog, use short, disjointed phrases, constantly interrupted by their worry.

The characters' calm, collected, nostalgic dialog minimizes the pain greatly, no matter how much writhing and moaning Mozart is doing. Given Mozart's propensity for drama and theatrics, this dichotomy might actually be quite appropriate, with Mozart on the bed, making a ruckess while his parents calmly dismiss his antics. This is kind of the vibe I'm getting, but I don't think it's what you are going for. Making things more tense and urgent should get you going in the right direction.


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