: Re: I abstain from using concise words in my writing, so as to "show" instead of "tell". Is this bad writing? Instead of explaining this whole practice, I'll rather give an example. In a scene

Sorry, I did not get "pompous" out of the description; nor do I know how one "pompously" approaches a desk without looking comical.

You have already had your MC express a thought to the reader. Why not let Alfie just think it?

He turned and saw Jenna. â€œFuck off.â€ Such a pompous twit.
He turned back to his map and sighed. Iâ€™m not even high.

I fail to understand how "the outer lines of desks" can be shaped by somebody's gait; is she bumping into them? Why would a "collected" person have any influence on the desks? She wouldn't touch them.

Is she so obese the aisle isn't wide enough? Obesity or a drunken walking style doesn't fit with the word "pompous" or "collectedly".

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: Re: I abstain from using concise words in my writing, so as to "show" instead of "tell". Is this bad writing? Instead of explaining this whole practice, I'll rather give an example. In a scene

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