: How to state multiple instances of evidence? A would always lie about B. He told everybody he was weak. Furthermore he told all the adults how he enjoyed travelling, even though he did
A would always lie about B. He told everybody he was weak. Furthermore he told all the adults how he enjoyed travelling, even though he did not. Furthermore he told people how much he enjoyed good food even though he never considered fancy food a thing of great importance.
I want to give multiple examples about A lying about B. Now I am aware that I could change the last furthermore with a synonym like moreover. I am not sure just randomly distributing different synonyms is good writing.
What other tips would you give about how to structure this sentences?
0 Reactions React
2 Comments
Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best
@Lengel543
Some options:
Expand Each of these "instances of evidence" is a little story. Take your time with each of them. Make each of them into a paragraph, or even multiple paragraphs. This can get tedious if you stick them all after one another, so you may want to sprinkle them throughout the larger narrative to slowly establish the character as untrustworthy. In most stories, these kinds of incidents are not told in flashback, but as incidents in the story. It's much more interesting to have B observe A lying about his taste in food in the moment that to have B remembering it.
However, if you need to quickly and effectively establish that A is a sod, then this is not a good option.
Cut How much evidence do you really need? One instance of untrustworthy behavior is usually enough, especially if that's all we see of the character. Pick the most interesting instance, and tell that story in a single paragraph. You can hint that this behavior is not uncommon for the character by showing other people being unsurprised.
Use another character's voice This kind of listing of incidents from the past sounds like something you would say in an argument. Let A and B have a furious argument, and let A assert that he only made one misstep once, and he's still being punished for it. At that point B explodes with fury
Excuse me? Did you think I'd forgotten about the lies you told everybody about me? How you told everybody I was weak? Meanwhile telling all the adults how much you love travelling, and then expecting me to get you out of it when you're too scared to fly? Everything you say is two-faced! Just yesterday you were telling everybody about how you just looove great food. I've know you for two years and the only "restaurant" I've ever seen you in is a Burger King!
By embodying a character in the heat of the moment, you get much clearer constraints on what type of language is appropriate. An added benefit is that you are exploring and expanding the character of both A and B.
0 Reactions React
@LarsenBagley300
I would give specific examples of what his statement was, followed by an example that proves the lie. For your sample, why is he NOT weak (and I would give a sample that is "observed"). If there is a group of people, give different people different counter-claims. A makes a claim, however, Mr. D, his neighbor, once remarked on a counter-detail that disproves the claim. You repeat "Furthermore" twice. Try and find a different list word for the different claims.
Also you need to figure out what your voice is... is this comedy? Then be hyperbolic (A is a habitual liar. It was said that A would claim the sky is polka-dots on a cloudless summer day) and possibly sarcastic (A once said he wasn't just a great swimmer, but he once walked on water at the town lake. C, the park manager, said recalled the incident saying tha it was really warm that day for a typical January, so C still had to fish A out of the lake when the thin broke under A's weight.).
In the later sarcastic example, not only do we provide the claim and the counter, but we also point out that while the claim is "technically true" to the walking on water, it's a lie in that the phrase assumes liquid water... and even then A still needed a rescue.
0 Reactions React
Terms of Use Powered by ePowerPress Stock Market News!
© selfpublishingguru.com2024 All Rights reserved.