: I need help with the wording of this book I'm writing. I want it to sound like It is happening in the present, not the past! There are tons of places I don't know how to make it sound
There are tons of places I don't know how to make it sound like the present. Here's a sample.
My nerves continued to grow at full throttle. Every step me and my team would make from here on out would affect the future of everyone. Along the hallway there was a door left ajar, with a light seeping through. I went first, peeking through the door. A gun shoot barely missed my head as I ducked back. I turned my own gun off safety and fired back. Suddenly, bright flash erupts from the room beyond. “NO!â€, I yelled, “GET DOWN!†My team went diving to the floor just in time, but I was too late. I was blown back, and as I faded away my last thought was, "I failed."
See how some this seems like some happens in the past and some in the present! What do I do?
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Virtually all first person accounts (in fact virtually all professionally published stories) are written entirely in past tense. They are not happening to you in the present, after all. You are writing a story in the present. This is true even if "you" die in the story.
Incidentally, nothing grows "at full throttle". You're mixing metaphors there. Your nerves might grow raw or your pulse might race at full throttle.
Think of how it sounds when your friend recounts a dramatic story from their past. Some might say, "I stood there, and I thought: blah blah blah," but others might say, "So I'm standing there, thinking: blah blah blah." Example 1 is past tense, example 2 is present tense.
So you want this to be in present tense and not past tense. You can totally look up present tense online to learn, and some great books to read that are in present tense are: Divergent by Veronica Roth, Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, etc. You just have to watch your verbs. Here's an attempt at switching what you've written:
My nerves continue to grow at full throttle. Every step my team and I take from here on out will affect the future of everyone. Along the hallway there is a door left ajar, with a light seeping through. I go first, peeking through the door. A gunshot barely misses my head as I duck back. I turn my own gun off safety and fire back. Suddenly, a bright flash erupts from the room beyond. “NO!â€, I yell, “GET DOWN!†My team dives to the floor just in time, but I am too late. I am blown back, and as I fade away, my last thought is, "I failed."
(The line "bright flash erupts from the room beyond" is already in present-tense by the way, so you've got it)
Hope this is somewhat helpful, and good luck to you!
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