: Re: How to write a drunk character slurring in speech Question for the English pros: I am working on a scene in my novel I am writing and have a question about the style of wording in a drunk

@Hamm6328258

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I think the elisions work better than the stuttering. Your "Whada hell you doin'?" is good. It's perfectly comprehensible and it gives the clear impression of someone speaking less than usually clearly (especially if the reader comes to expect from the wider context of your writing that the same character, when sober, would ask "What the hell are you doing?"). A bit of swearing is good, again on the general theme that Brock's drunkenness has generally made his character more extreme.

I see what you're trying to do with the stuttering, but it doesn't really sound convincing. I think the actual sentence is too lucid for the stuttering and slurring that's been overlaid on it. How does this sound?

"Boy, I know you! You da boxer, right? I'mma street fighter, I am." He leered at Yousif. "An' I'mma kick your ass!"

The actual thoughts Brock is trying to convey are simpler, drunken thoughts, and the sentence interposed in the middle suggests a bit of a pause, because even this level of communication is quite taxing for Brock in the very drunk state he's in.

(Your changed word "fighrer" doesn't sound right at all, it's not a natural relaxation from "fighter", it's a change. "Figh'er" might work, but on balance I'd just leave it as "fighter" and convey the deterioration in speech clarity elsewhere.)

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