logo selfpublishingguru.com

 topic : Re: Ways to write a person crying without using words like "sniff", "boohoo" etc There is a specific kind of scene that I want to write, where the protagonist has just killed his brother and he

Gretchen741 @Gretchen741

Don't say it - describe it:
You want to indicate the character is crying, while THEY don't understand they're crying, and you don't want to SAY they're crying.
So don't say they are crying. But deep sorrow is a full body experience. Every part of a person and every action they take will be overwhelmed with the reaction.
Their throat will feel constricted, their breath will be short, breathing will be in labored gasps, and their nose starts running. Their heart races while feeling like it's being crushed. The feeling of nausea in their stomach twists into a tighter and tighter knot as uncontrolled contractions jerk through their diaphragm. Their legs go weak and they need to hold themselves up against the wall. The rush of blood to the head makes them dizzy, and the muscles throughout the body ache from tension. A general feeling of dread and panic will be mixed with memories of every warm moment they had with the person (maybe describing the person sobbing uncontrollably as a child while their brother tended a scraped knee). PERHAPS runny droplets of blood drip off the person's face. Incoherent noises come raggedly from them, interrupted by choking sounds, followed by a keening wail they finally realize is coming from themselves. The eyes burn as they blink uncontrollably. They try to swallow but can't.
But don't say they are crying.

10% popularity Vote Up Vote Down

0 Reactions   React


Replies (0) Report

0 Comments

Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best

SelfPubGuruLearn self publishing
Back to top | Use Dark Theme