: Re: How do I write a believable romance subplot? Sexuality is a large part of who we are as persons and it influences many decisions we make. Sadly, I don't know how to make a romance subplot

@Ann1701686

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Off the top of my head--

If the romance is indeed a *sub*plot, keep it that way. Don't let it take over and become a central plot thread, which is easy to do. It should complement the story, not distract from it.
I think romantic dialogue is the easiest place to accidentally cliche yourself up a wall by getting too serious. "Never let go!" Don't do it. As I said, for a subplot, romance is the easiest thing to let become more serious than it should be. I'll use my favorite example -- Star Wars. Han Solo and Princess Leia have that romantic thing going on for three movies, and how does it manifest itself? As deep and significant proclamations of desire and affection? Hell no, it manifests as constant bickering. They can't keep off each other's backs, and it makes for awesome and oftentimes hilarious dialogue. All the while becoming used to one another and learning to rely on each other. That's not to say everyone argues all the time, but real romance is never like Romeo and Juliet.
I think the real key, the most important thing, is knowing your characters. Don't try to have Billy fall for Leona until you know what it is about Leona that attracts him, and how he would go about trying to pursue her, if indeed he has the courage to do so in the first place. If you don't know Billy, how can you know what he would do in a romantic situation? You can't create a living, breathing relationship before you have two living, breathing people to experience it. Carefully and thoroughly build your characters before placing them in a situation. This goes for all of narrative writing, not just romance.
This is largely a rephrasing of the last bullet, but it may add a little more depth to it. Remember-- people have reasons and motivations for everything they think and do, and also for the way they perceive things. If Jo-Lee becomes upset with Daniel and won't answer his texts, it's not a random thing, and it's not because of something stupid and contrived. She has a serious reason, or at least a reason that seems very serious to her. The reader needs to see things through the character's eyes. We need to sympathize. Make us understand why your characters are romantically involved, and why their romance is going the way it is, for better or for worse.
Sometimes it'll seem like you did it badly, but really it wasn't the content-- it was the writing itself. Sometimes you'll have the right idea but just write it badly so that it doesn't come across well. Be careful to differentiate. It might be a good idea to take something that seems shallow and just rewrite it. Same events, different phrasing. Make sure you know where the problem really lies. The best way to identify this is if everything seems to make perfect sense to you. Thanks to this cause, there was this effect, and so on. Perfect sense, but it still reads stupidly. What am I doing wrong? Rewrite it. Maybe tweak it a little, polish, but keep the essence. Go to great lengths to make the sequence of interactions between the two (three? four?) characters as realistic as possible.
Another very important point is to remember is that perception is a thing that grows and changes with experience, particularly with respect to the way you view another person. Let me be more clear. Speaking from personal experience, the two girls I've been closest to in my life, I had classes with for 1-2 years each without even noticing them. One of them was assigned as my lab partner twice and I still found her boring and pretty much disregarded her. A year later she came to my room one night on a whim and we stayed up til 4am talking, and out of nowhere we soon each became one of the other's closest friends. Separately, another girl who I met and liked right off the bat, after spending time with for two months, we realized we had almost nothing in common and mostly stopped talking to one another. This goes for friendships, coworkers, acquaintances-- every sort of relationship, and especially romantic ones. The way two people see one another changes over time. This is one of the most important elements of realism with regard to writing relationships.

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