: Re: Does this writing create emotion in the reader? The thing I hear most often about my writing is, "It's too dry." I'm sure this happens to other people too. I'm working on eliciting

@Sue2132873

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It is getting there, but not quite yet, IMO. The rule I have seen so often applies here - show don't tell - and you are still telling too much.

If you can remove description and replace it with emotional response, while still telling the same information, then you will have it. That is a real challenge, but you are part way there already.

[Edit] An example, from the first part of your writing. Not perfect, but the direction I feel you should be going.

A scream echoed around the room, starting from the pits of hell, or maybe from me.

Once again. like every other time this night. Or last night. Or whenever.

The bed was wet. The smell of sweat filled the air. Her voice begging me to save her still ringing in my head, her face fading in my mind, the look of terror frozen on it, melting into hopelessness, freezing into horror.

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