: Re: Alternatives to "he said" in dialogue I'm working on my first fiction story. And one mechanical thing I struggle with is how to identify the speakers in dialog without constantly saying "Bob
When two persons speak, take an approach of "One paragraph per person" and give the reader rare reminders, especially in form of emotes and actions.
"I found an important clue," Bob raised a piece of cloth.
"What was that?", Sally turned to him with interest.
"The killer left behind a glove."
"Perhaps we can identify him from fingerprints or DNA?"
"I don't think so," Bob shook his head. "The glove means there are no fingerprints."
Giving them obvious sides of conversation (asker-answerer, attacker-defender, hopeful-skeptic) removes any doubt.
"So, maybe we try potassium..." the young lab assistant shrugged.
"Far too reactive." professor shook his head.
"Calcium?"
"Non-conductive."
"Lithium?"
"Still far too reactive."
"I've got it! Platinum!"
"Ha. Ha. Ha. We work on a budget, kid."
(30 lines later you'll still have no doubt which one is the assistant and which one is the professor.)
Note, this may make pretty long paragraphs whenever one side does more than a line of talking at a time.
"Perhaps we can identify him from fingerprints or DNA?"
"Yes, of cour..." Bob's voice trailed off. "Oh. Wait. I contaminated it, didn't I?" he turned to her with waning hope in his eyes. "It can still be used to..." he stuttered, "is it? Please, Sal, tell I didn't destroy the only clue," he pleaded, meeting her blank stare. "Sal?"
Whenever you make an exception from the rule, make it obvious and re-identify the talkers, either in speech or in narration.
"Were you present at the location at 16 hours sharp, or not?"
"..."
"Jill, I know it's difficult but I need a verbal answer."
or:
"...and this concludes our story." Tom closed the binder and leaned back in his armchair.
The silence lasted a minute or so. Nobody stirred. Tom chuckled quietly. "So, any takers?" he swept his gaze around the gathered, "or do I see a flock of chickens?"
Of course it gets much more difficult whenever there are more than two speakers. You can allow yourself short passages of unattributed back-and-forth, and "one paragraph per speaker" stands, but you really need to start abusing X said whenever there's no firmly established, undisturbed dialogue between two participants.
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