: Re: Do the characters in the following dialogue sound the same? The following unedited dialogue is from a novel I'm writing (which is based on a short story I wrote a while ago): "I hope

@YK4692630

Vote Up Vote Down

I'd say they don't seem to sound different - but then there's the rift: questioner-answerer. It very much sets the tone of this conversation, so spotting more subtle differences is difficult. It's the same informal, loose speech language. Give us these two giving answers to the same questions coming from a third questioner and they may be more distinguishable.

You definitely need to add some physical emote to the 'mmm'. There are too many uses to that: when eating something tasty, when withholding pain, when expressing opposition/disapproval, when trying to scream with mouth taped shut (not the case here obviously), when expressing annoyed protest at disturbance...

...didn't you mean here 'Umm...' - hesitation, an inarticulate pause when thinking what to sat next?

Things you can do without making them sound utterly cliche:

Shift all of hesitation to one character. There are five points of hesitation in this dialogue: "after hesitating for a moment."; "how can you, like,"; "Mmm, to be honest,"; "well, I kind of work here."; "Mmm, I think I'm used to it,". They are evenly distributed between the two. Make one hesitate much more while stripping all hesitation from speech of the other.
Alternatively make hesitation of one strictly non-verbal (interjections like "he fell silent for a second," "he took a deep breath"), and the other's always verbal ("well," "like," "so...")
Give them a different temperament. Here both feel awkward and reluctant, the dialogue feels very reserved. Make one an inquisitive, invasive extrovert, while the other is a reluctant, shy introvert. Express it by sprinkling more emotes.
Give them a different educational, cultural background. One to use very simple, crude vocabulary, the other using some word the first will entirely misunderstand. You may make one of them use cuss words a lot too.

Still, what you're doing here is not wrong. If the characters are relatively similar, so will be their speech. If they are the protagonists, it is advised that unless you have strong story-related reasons not to, you should give your protagonists and central characters quite generic language and only shift spectra to increasingly obscure dialects for background cast. Giving the protagonists a subtle personal touch is nice, but don't be surprised if the readers simply overlook it.

(0)

Login to post a comment!