: Re: Critique: Make excerpt more visual/flow better I have this excerpt I'm not sure is fluid and visual enough: Peter came out of the café rubbing his tummy. The chipmunk had a smile on the

@Smith147

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Various grammatical issues, with suggestions below ...

he realised that Ariett was no more following

"he realised that Ariett was no longer following" or "he realised that Ariett was not following"

"Are you really sure he's trapped in the boneyard?" the voice would say.

""Are you really sure he's trapped in the boneyard?" the voice said."

trying to listen what was being talked about at the same time

"trying to listen at the same time"

Chill was already on the way out of the village

"Chill was already on his way out of the village" or "Chill was already leaving the village"

It's perhaps a new rescue mission!"

"Perhaps it's a new rescue mission!"

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