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The organization and flow are good. As other answers mention, a slight sense of mystery or perhaps foreboding arises. But because of several minor problems it doesn't read smoothly for me. For example, the second sentence ends verbosely or clumsily; “who had just gone to sleep†could change to “just now asleepâ€. “At the distance†[since edited out] instead of the more-usual “in the distance†was jarring. I don't find “pine trees swung slightly†accurate as a description of pine trees in wind – perhaps my problem with it is that I think of swinging things as suspended from above. Perhaps try “pine trees bowed and nodded†instead. If the forest is an important part of the story, make its first mention more interesting and specific; “nearby†lends little interest. Is it all around? Adjectives like great, deep, ancient, dark, brooding, impenetrable are perhaps overused as modifiers of forest, but if any of them apply to your concept of the forest, then use one or two, or look at synonyms and find a word that's descriptive, striking, and less-used.
“Faded cries of cicadas reverberated†seems self-contradictory to me because I regard a “faded cry†as a memory of a cry, rather than an attenuated cry; and regard something that reverberates (or “rings with many echosâ€) as necessarily loud and audible. Thus, while one might accurately say loud cries reverberated, or the buzz and rattle of cicadas reverberated, or faded cries of cicadas tinged the air, it seems to me that faded is incompatible with reverberated.
“Gave me quick nod†seems clumsy. Perhaps revise the last two paragraphs to one:
Naomi nodded when I turned to her; and then I asked, “But isn't it just a myth?â€
In summary, the organization is sound, and the minor flaws I mentioned should be easy to smooth out.
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