: Re: Does this sound like a good description of someone falling asleep due exhaustion? Anything I can do to make it sound better? I'm trying to describe somebody falling asleep from exhaustion, in

@Candy753

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Using shorter sentences (and varying their length) can make the piece more readable:

Never had a brief span seem like an
eternity. As I feel my consciousness ebbing away, as
clear and concise as it was mere moments ago, it was coming to an
end. My eyes grow heavy from the strenuous effects of excessive
agitation. At once, I was struck with incoherence,
an inconsistency to my thoughts, as I kneeled down and leaned a
shoulder against the wall. I decided to give myself
away to my pursuer, to exhaustion. And I would be dead to the world before the
rest of me ever hit the cold concrete floor.

I'm not sure if the piece makes sense after my edit. But you get the idea.

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