: Does my title/opening paragraph grab your attention? Saki's Sixth Finger Saki gripped her extra finger as she peered down at the beach. The plane was reaching Phuket, finally. Watching

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No, sorry. I stopped reading at, "crystalline turquoise water and shiny white sand". Two adjectives per noun makes for ponderous reading. Plus, the use of "gripped" and "finally" implied tension to me, which was then contradicted by the sand and water sentence. Is she tense or is she calm?

I don't mind the idea of an extra finger, but would this character really think about it as "extra"? If I had been born with six fingers, I wouldn't think of one in particular being the extra one. I might think of being cursed, or defective, crippled, weird, freakish, or, on the other hand, blessed, special, lucky, unique. The words you choose to describe the extra finger will say volumes about Saki as a person and her attitude towards the anomalous finger. Compare this opening sentence:

"Saki peered down and saw beach at last, relaxing her grip on Double Digit."

versus

"Sake peered down and saw beach at last, tightening her grip on the devil finger."

In the first case, she (or someone) has given the extra finger a pet name that's a pun. She sees humor in it.

The second case implies a more negative attitude towards the extra finger. She reviles it.

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I'm intrigued by the title but not by the intro.

The key to an effective opening paragraph, and story as a whole, is you don't want your readers to think about sentence structure and other technicalities. You want them riding the roller coaster of your characters' experiences and emotions. This intro doesn't do that for me. One, I'm not sure where I am. At first I think I'm on a beach and then I find myself on an airplane. Then there is the use of it and and.

It had been a good decision after all

Could be written as:

Coming here had been a good decision after all.

And

But still, rivers of sweat traveled down her neck, and her black dress had glued itself to her back.

Could be written as:

Rivers of sweat traveled down her neck gluing her black dress to her back.

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I like your opening paragraph as a whole (i.e. not the first sentence). It does grab my attention. It takes me into the moment. You create suspense and I would love to find out what it is.

However, I agree with others about "sixth finger". I am unsure what it means. More importantly, it has negative connotations. Ask yourself: why sixth finger? Or seventh finger? What difference does it make? People generally don't count their fingers in the way you describe it.

Perhaps it is a cultural 'thing' (i.e. there may be cultural significance to using the sixth finger). Based on my (limited) experience, the more universal your story is, the better you can target your readers.

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The title does grab my attention. But I'm not intrigued. My reaction was a bit more like whaaat?? Is the whole novel about her sixth finger?

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