: Ways of presenting a metaphor/simile/analogy This is something I wrote (adult content—and very bad description of sex): Strangely, it didn't feel much like sex. I felt we were just exchanging
This is something I wrote (adult content—and very bad description of sex):
Strangely, it didn't feel much like sex. I felt we
were just exchanging feelings that we couldn't be put into words.
Thoughts we could only share by joining our bodies as though they were
one. It was a strange sensation—like I was being sucked into a dark
void, blending with it, losing myself in it. Yet feeling completely at
peace, understanding everything it had to tell me.
Nana continued moving for a few more seconds until—not being to contain it anymore—I
came. I came over and over again, with a violence that I had never
experienced before. As if someone had punched a big hole in a dam.
Exhausted, I spread my arms on the bed, trying to catch my breath.
Nana got herself off, and cuddled next to me. We remained like that
for a while, holding each other naked in the dark like two newborn infants.
So, right now, I'm just starting my metaphors/similes with like and as if
In which other ways I can present them?
More posts by @Candy753
: Is it common for flashbacks to not to follow a chronological order? I'm writing a short story with the following structure: Scene 1: Deshi and Yuqi are in a mountain searching for an abandoned
: When to use contractions and when to use complete words? These are some passages from Man-Eating Cats by Haruki Murakami. He'd been dead set against out marriage from the start, and his
3 Comments
Sorted by latest first Latest Oldest Best
I would like to add to Craig Sefton's note that you can use other markers and note that sometimes, you can remove markers entirely.
You can cut your passage down to,
Thoughts we could only share by joining our bodies as though they were
one. It was a strange sensation; I was being sucked into a dark void,
blending with it, losing myself in it, yet feeling completely at peace
and understanding everything it had to tell me.
And would still make sense.
On a side note: "Like a hole being punched in a dam.", made me explode with laughter, because of the imagery of what this mind me to the poor person on the receiving end of this orgasm. Do not take this as a personal attack. This is laughter I've heard from others quite when reading my stories, I just think you might want to consider something else a little less fluid related for describing an unprecedented orgasm.
By definition, similes always make the fact that you're making the comparison explicit.
He was as slippery as an eel, or else a very slippery thing.
She was somewhat slippier than a bee.
Metaphors on the other hand don't make the comparison explicit and leave the audience to figure this out on their own.
Mike was a lion in the Giants' backfield, roaming through the Astroturf like it was the Serengeti and not merely tackling but physically destroying his prey.
Okay, there was a simile wrapped up inside there, but the overall point was that Mike is not literally a big cat, but a stealthy, hard-hitting linebacker.
It's my experience that we tend to use metaphor a lot more than we realize but otherwise, it's really personal preference and what sounds better to you in a given situation. There is no real hard and fast rule as to when to use the one versus the other. Sometimes you want to be subtle, sometimes you don't.
You can use other indicators other than "as if" and "like" e.g. "akin to". Since it's first person, you can also say, "reminding me of".
Another technique is to omit those words, and write it as if it were literal; the reader will pick up the metaphor. For example, "It was a strange sensation, drifting, falling, sucked into a dark void, blending with it, losing myself in it." Or, "We remained like that for a while, holding each other naked in the dark, two newborn infants gazing at the world with fresh eyes."
Terms of Use Privacy policy Contact About Cancellation policy © selfpublishingguru.com2024 All Rights reserved.