: Re: Ways of presenting a metaphor/simile/analogy This is something I wrote (adult content—and very bad description of sex): Strangely, it didn't feel much like sex. I felt we were just exchanging

@Correia211

Vote Up Vote Down

I would like to add to Craig Sefton's note that you can use other markers and note that sometimes, you can remove markers entirely.

You can cut your passage down to,

Thoughts we could only share by joining our bodies as though they were
one. It was a strange sensation; I was being sucked into a dark void,
blending with it, losing myself in it, yet feeling completely at peace
and understanding everything it had to tell me.

And would still make sense.

On a side note: "Like a hole being punched in a dam.", made me explode with laughter, because of the imagery of what this mind me to the poor person on the receiving end of this orgasm. Do not take this as a personal attack. This is laughter I've heard from others quite when reading my stories, I just think you might want to consider something else a little less fluid related for describing an unprecedented orgasm.

(0)

Login to post a comment!