: Re: Worried that my opening is not gripping enough This is the beginning of a novel I'm writing (not the final draft): The hiking trail consisted of pairs of uneven stone steps. On both

@YK4692630

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More flair and detail.

The mountain trail consisted of pairs of uneven granite steps. On both sides, majestic spruces and wind-torn pines pointed at the sky, like an army of giants guarding the sanctuary. From between their trunks ominous mists watched quietly. The air bore the scent of winter, soil, dry leaves and moss.

Hiking - sport-like activity - clashes with this mood.

If you can solidify abstractions, do so. Stone -> granite. Coniferous trees -> Spruces and pines. Give them some character.

Trees are the forest, so they aren't guarding the forest. This would be a minor point but you are striking a tone of pathos and pathos works only if it's perfect, flawless. Every tiny slip makes it a parody, so you can't afford a forest guarding a forest.
If you do anthropomorphize, keep doing so.

Use passive voice only when you need to express the passive position - helplessness, laziness.

Remember, if you aim at "gripping" you can't afford any cheapness. Not a word. If you had time to build up a situation, you might use simple language and still grip the reader's heart, but since this is the beginning, you didn't have the time, so you must use perfection instead.

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