: Re: Am I providing enough information to keep the reader gripped? This is the opening of a short story I'm writing (second draft): A deep silence enveloped the room as the words escaped from

@LarsenBagley300

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I'm less dismayed by the lack of sensory details than I am the disagrement within the details you did provide.

A deep silence enveloped the room as the words escaped from my mouth.

This implies that the silence enveloped the room while you were speaking, as if you were suddenly placed under a cone of silence and couldn't complete the phrase. Some split in the time would be nice.

She was staring vacantly at the ceiling, with eyes that didn't reflect disgust, shock, nor anger. None of the reactions that I had expected.

You should use "or" there, not "nor". Perhaps:

... with eyes that reflected neither disgust, shock, nor anger. Not one of the reactions I had expected.

I could see "None of " were it a grammatical quirk, but it feels flat to me.

Maybe what I was looking at...

Be definitive in your subjective opinion. "It was as if" is better than "Maybe", here.

You could try trimming some of the subjective interpretation, and instead add an image to enforce how sudden the silence is. You could hear a heartbeat, or the echo of your own words, or, if you want to improve your flow, you could hear the wife's breathing, and tie that into her mood.

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