: Re: Critique: Intro/Prologue to my Novel-in-Progress all. Please forgive me, for I'm afraid I'm a novice when it comes to writing fiction. I wanted to get the community's thoughts and recommendations

I will say that the "half asked, half asserted" construction is a bit cumbersome. I then expected him to half-turn and half-exit while leaving half-empty silence in the air.

I also found the "make and model" of the gun and car to be a bit jarring. Lauren mitigates this in an effective way, but specifying these things might be part of your style.

Within this snippet, you have four characters. Two of them are unnamed.

Also, Mr. Jansen takes a little too long to have a first name, which Lauren also noticed.

With the "its nothing personal" you could go into a bit about how cliche that phrase is or how it sounds like it is from a movie or tv show.

My general understanding of the situation is: somebody is shaking down Mr. J. His wife is schtupping another dude, which generally means that she is treating him with contempt, which probably means that he treated her with contempt for quite some time first (which is usually how that goes).

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: I've never heard of any legit reviewing services for tech books. All the proposals I've seen from people who do promotions want to charge an arm and a leg, and still expect you to tell

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: Translation really is an art. I recommend writing in the language where you have the largest vocabulary and where you feel most comfortable. In your case, that would be French. Then a translator

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: What's the best way to show a foreign language in a manuscript? What's the best way to show a character speaking a foreign language in a fiction manuscript? Should the foreign words be italicized

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: If you can find one, a Z88 might be a good choice. Full size keyboard with a pretty good feel, very reliable and it's nigh on impossible to out type it (though the display might take a

: Re: Critique: Intro/Prologue to my Novel-in-Progress all. Please forgive me, for I'm afraid I'm a novice when it comes to writing fiction. I wanted to get the community's thoughts and recommendations

More posts by @Sims2267584

: I've never heard of any legit reviewing services for tech books. All the proposals I've seen from people who do promotions want to charge an arm and a leg, and still expect you to tell

: Translation really is an art. I recommend writing in the language where you have the largest vocabulary and where you feel most comfortable. In your case, that would be French. Then a translator

: What's the best way to show a foreign language in a manuscript? What's the best way to show a character speaking a foreign language in a fiction manuscript? Should the foreign words be italicized

: If you can find one, a Z88 might be a good choice. Full size keyboard with a pretty good feel, very reliable and it's nigh on impossible to out type it (though the display might take a

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