: Re: Is a male character crying realistic or excessive? I would like feedback on if this portrayal of male emotion is unrealistic. I have been told (beta readers) that men don't cry in real life

@Kristi637

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I believe there are actual physiological reasons (related to hormones?) that adult men are less likely to cry. I'm far from a "tough guy" but I've personally found it more difficult and rare to experience tears as I grow older. We also can't discount social and cultural pressures against male tears that are stricter in some cultures and sub-cultures than others. For those reasons, I think you should take your beta readers' opinion seriously.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't include the tears, but you might do some things to make them feel more realistic. One thing I've found true is that I often have delayed emotional reactions --it's as if it takes a while (sometimes a very long while!) for the emotion to find it's way out.

Since this is a first person narrative, you might also want to dramatize your character fighting tears based on an awareness of how others might perceive them. Thoughts like these are often hard to avoid, even when you are actually alone. Although things are rapidly changing, many men (especially in more traditional cultures) are acutely afraid of appearing feminine in any way. This would be a realistic concern for your character to wrestle with in your book. Even if he doesn't agree with the stereotypes, it may be hard for him to be completely free of them. In other words, he would be very aware of how people like your beta readers would react if they caught him crying.

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