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I feel my punctuation is all over the place, and the adjectives are not as charming as I think they are. If anyone has watched the beginning of the first Lord of the Rings, where the hobbit is lying in that green meadow, and you think to yourself that that is where you want to be, that's kind of the environment I attempted to describe.
Writers these days don't often get the
luxury of lying in a green meadow,
with tall trees and green grass, and
birds chirping silently and lakes
drifting calmly, and the sky blue-er
than blue. This would be the most
wonderful environment to write in, as
there can be no distractions, and so
much inspiration lies everywhere
around you. Today, the ones who love
to write away all their fears and
hopes are stuck in a loud noisy
environment, filled with distractions
and annoyances. Every writer needs
their own "writing spot", a place
where they can come write without
worrying about anything else. It’s
their green meadow, so to speak.
(3)More posts by @Dunderdale623
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My suggestion:
These days, writers don't often get the luxury of lying in a green meadow, with tall trees and green grass, birds chirping, and a blue-er than blue sky. This would be a wonderful environment to write in, avoiding distractions, inspiration abound. But, alas, today the ones who love to write away all their fears and hopes are stuck in a loud noisy environment, filled with ringing cell phones and the honks of car horns and chatty people. Every writer needs their own "writing spot," a place where they can write without worrying about anything else. Their "green meadow," so to speak.
Mohabitar,
As Tyler suggested, it's best to stick with strong verbs and nouns that don't need any help from modifiers (adverbs and adjectives). Modifiers unnecessarily pad your verbiage, and they act as a sort of barrier between your reader and your message.
When you do use modifiers, remember a little goes a long way and avoid redundancy. You never need to say something is both "loud" and "noisy."
And even with two such similar nouns as "annoyances" and "distractions," you probably should pick just one and omit the other.
Also, I think you should pay close attention to the imagery your writing creates: Birds don't chirp silently. Lakes don't drift, although a slow river or stream might. Little discrepancies like these can be enough to detract from your message even when the reader can't quite put his finger on what's bugging him about it.
Hope this helps!
If you're trying to capture the feel of drifting on a summer's day in a perfect green glade, then if anything you need to be even more stream-of-consciousness than you are now. Read up on Gerard Manley Hopkins and "sprung rhythm" and see what you can do with that.
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