: Critique of short essay Basically I need some critics regarding the following points: Does this description essay archive its goal (a creepy story with a 'sappy' ending)? How is the 'rhythm' of

@Candy753

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Basically I need some critics regarding the following points:

Does this description essay archive its goal (a creepy story with a 'sappy' ending)?
How is the 'rhythm' of the story (is there sometimes too sudden or too long?).

Pets make you feel safe, useful, and
needed. Mine was an exception (at
least that's what I thought.) She was
a shy little kitten named Luz. My mom
gave her to me for my fourteenth
birthday. She was the cutest baby cat
I had ever seen. Her fur was smooth
and dark gray, and it always used to
reflect the sun and shine. But when
she started getting older, her fur
became very thick. It was getting
darker and darker until one day, it
became totally black. I really started
to hate her. Even thought she was like
a black curse, as time passed, she
turned out to be the shiniest spark I
ever had in my life.
She never made
a single noise when she was walking in
my old house. She just suddenly
appeared everywhere I was. She become
almost like a creepy version of my
shadow. She was always so silent even
when she was hungry. The only moment I
used to hear noises from her was at
night. She was like a baby ghost
crying her sadness through the hall.
Her sound was a mixture of sadness,
anguish and frustration. Her cries
were always in my mind, drilling in my
thoughts, detaching me from
consciousness, and driving me slowly
into a strange state of melancholy and
panic. The night was never silent the
time she was around.
After she stopped crying, she used to come to my bedroom to stay in the
darkest place of the room; The exact
place where moonlight never touched.
Then, she started to stare at me with
her big, yellow and hellish eyes. Her
stare was so creepy that sometimes I
felt like she could see the deepest
fears that were hidden in my mind. She
could pass through my eyes and immerse
herself directly into my thoughts. Her
evil eyes were always haunting me in
nightmares.
Her eyes weren't the
only creepy part of her body. Every
time I petted her, I felt like I was
touching the corpse of a dead
creature. Her body was just bones and
tissues. Her skin was the same color
of raw meat. It was so colorless, with
no sign of life. It was so cold that
sometimes it really made me wonder if
that thing was really alive. The
only thing that made me feel that she
was alive was her smell. But it wasn't
pleasant, because it was like the
smell of a animal in decomposition. It
was like blood, cat food and fish put
together. At the beginning I really
couldn't stand it, but as time passed,
I got used to that smell. It was
weird, but it filled the room with the
sensation that someone was there.
The time passed and the black and
creepy Luz was getting old, until one
day she died. In the beginning, I was
so happy because the curse of my days
was finally gone. But later on, I
started to have sleeping problems. The
nights became so empty. No one was
following me, watching my steps,
watching my sleep and my dreams
anymore. Luz was gone forever, and for
the first time in my life, I was alone
in the dark.

Thanks in advance.

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