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I'm writing a sci-fi novel with more than one main character.
Since I'm not an experienced writer, I still struggle with some basic "rules" within writing that may or may not exist.
This issue is regarding the way I describe the people around the main characters. The two main characters could be described as follows:
"David", Young Man - approximately 22 years old.
"Carly", Young Girl - approximately 8 years old.
Obviously, the dialogue plays a huge role in depicting an authentic person af a certain age and personalty, but I want the POV to influence the descriptions and so on, if that is "allowed".
I think what I want is a simplified descriptive language, to simulate the way a child sees the world.
Examples
These are examples to give an idea of one of the ways I wish to show the age (and world perception) differences between the two characters. The focus here is on the way I refer to the parents. If done successfully, the young POV will show "the feeling of there only being one Mom and one Dad" - that I believe almost all children feel up until a certain age.
David
"Thanks" said David and hugged his mom "I've missed this". As he walked down the hallway, he could hear his father singing to himself, the way he always did when he thought no-one was listening. His father had always been told he was a great singer, but had never truly believed it himself.
Carly
Carly laid in her bed wondering if the cat would be in the backyard again today. "Honey, is the magic ready yet?" mom said in the hallway. Carly knew that mom was talking about the morning coffee, and expected the usual "The wizard's a brewin'!" from dad. It took longer than usual for dad to answer.
So, the actual question could be phrased as followed:
Am I free to change my descriptive language when changing POVs?
In this case I fear that I'm letting my younger character's POW influence the descriptions in a way that is not allowed or frowned upon. I of course want to give my readers a fluent and immersive experience, and if this method makes them see the things and people around the characters the way the characters would, then perfect. If it breaks the immersion or in any other way makes the reader go "what?", I'd like to know that as soon as possible...
Thanks!
(2)More posts by @Hamm6328258
2 Comments
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Am I free to change my descriptive language when changing POVs?
Absolutely (leaving aside the fact that you are free to do whatever you wish–it is your story), and I agree with Lauren Ipsum, that it might help you achieve the desired effect if emphasized properly (the text excerpts you have given are neither a miss nor a hit–at least for me–they could belong to any of the characters you describe, and saying mom instead if his mom could be attributed to a just a matter of personal style).
I also happen to agree with Mark Baker, who seems to think that it is not necessary. Using artificially impaired language (especially in a 3-rd person description) can have an exactly opposite effect and distract your readers instead of helping to engage them.
I would start with trying to make your narrative language coherent and neutral–you can always spice it up in revision.
The dialog is where you should watch the vocabulary, sentence structure, and such (once again to a certain degree, because people in fiction tend to communicate more eloquently than in real life). Fourteen years of age difference will have a very noticeable impact on how your two characters would talk.
yes, and in fact I encourage this. If it's from a child's POV, try to use a child's language, understand and perspective.
Don't stress so much about what's "allowed." Do what seems to work for your story. Talk to your beta readers after it's done and polished. Get impressions from your readers before second-guessing yourself. The concept of what's "allowed" in fiction is so fungible as to be nearly useless in practice. What's allowed is what works, period. If you can make it work, the reader will allow it.
(Think I'm exaggerating? Someone on this board recommended a story told from the viewpoint of a sentient pregnancy test. And it worked.)
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