: In a script - Is it ok to have a general description of a character â€œYOUNG MANâ€, then the actual description? For example: A YOUNG MAN drifts into a bar. Something absent in his yes.

For example: A YOUNG MAN drifts into a bar. Something absent in his yes. His varsity jaket, dirty and torn. Blood still drips down his face from the accident. This is -- JAMES SMITH, 17, the boy next door, capitan of the football team, and one hell of a bad driver. ;)

Iâ€™ve seen this in various scripts and I have a few descriptions setup like this in my current script. But now Iâ€™m questioning if this is okay. Should I not ALL CAPS young man? Or not do this setup at all?

Thanks!

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@Holmes449

You are making the mistake of describing things we cannot see. And your spelling will get you rejected by a reader immediately.

First,

JAMES SMITH, 17, walks slowly into a bar, with a vacant expression. He has been in a car accident, his varsity jacket is torn and bloody, blood drips down his face from a forehead cut.

Leave out the indirection (one hell of a bad driver), leave out any humorous asides like a smiley face, do not reference "the accident" if you have not shown an accident in the previous scene. The prose is not a conversation between you and the script reader, it is a description of what the viewer sees, period.

Be concrete and literal, it is filmable. "drifting" into a bar is poetic, but you can't film it unless he is a ghost or weightless in space. "Walking slowly" is something the actor can do, James is stunned. "He has been in a car accident" is something the makeup department knows how to do. The specifics of the torn jacket and blood are for them too, and indicate the severity of the accident.

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: In a script - Is it ok to have a general description of a character â€œYOUNG MANâ€, then the actual description? For example: A YOUNG MAN drifts into a bar. Something absent in his yes.

More posts by @Courtney562

: There are already good answers here, and you mention the idea of writing groups, but it sounds like we're not thinking of the same thing. It won't work for everyone (particularly people with

: I'm also going to agree with the third suggestion. The idea of a pronunciation guide is a good one, and you could do as others have done and make it part of the dialogue (for example "My

: Leaving out names/pronouns to speed up the flow of a script? Example: Jane digs in the flowerbed for her ring. Moves to the yard. Iâ€™ve seen this a bunch of times, but it still feels sort

: I am searching for a word/name that fits a person that has the ability to swap bodies with another human Not to be confused with a person who can morph themselves into someone else or a

Login to post a comment!

1 Comments

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: In a script - Is it ok to have a general description of a character â€œYOUNG MANâ€, then the actual description? For example: A YOUNG MAN drifts into a bar. Something absent in his yes.

More posts by @Courtney562

: There are already good answers here, and you mention the idea of writing groups, but it sounds like we're not thinking of the same thing. It won't work for everyone (particularly people with

: I'm also going to agree with the third suggestion. The idea of a pronunciation guide is a good one, and you could do as others have done and make it part of the dialogue (for example "My

: Leaving out names/pronouns to speed up the flow of a script? Example: Jane digs in the flowerbed for her ring. Moves to the yard. Iâ€™ve seen this a bunch of times, but it still feels sort

: I am searching for a word/name that fits a person that has the ability to swap bodies with another human Not to be confused with a person who can morph themselves into someone else or a

Login to post a comment!

1 Comments

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: In a script - Is it ok to have a general description of a character â€œYOUNG MANâ€, then the actual description? For example: A YOUNG MAN drifts into a bar. Something absent in his yes.