: How can I steer myself away from using pronouns too often as I write in 3rd person? I noticed that I use "she", "he", and "they"- and a lot of sentences also begin with the aforementioned

@Margaret427

Posted in: #Characters #Fiction #Plot #Style

I noticed that I use "she", "he", and "they"- and a lot of sentences also begin with the aforementioned pronouns. How can I steer away from doing this so often as I write in 3rd person fiction? HERE IS AN EXAMPLE:

Rosa took off her shoes, and stepped onto the hardwood floors in the old Victorian home. She peered into the kitchen as she stood in the dining room, but there was no sight of a single soul around. She walked further down the hall, and that's when she heard the sounds of giggling voices, so she stopped midway. The voices sounded as if they were coming from the back bedroom, so she then proceeded to walk that way. Her heart thumped against her chest. She took one step forward, and that's when she heard it, the deafening scream.

Vote Up Vote Down

0 Reactions   React

Replies (1) Report

Login to post a comment!

@Odierno164

@Odierno164

Having read your example it seems to me that the reason it sounds like your overusing ‘she’ is because, particularly when used to start the sentence, ‘she’ tells the reader which character is doing stuff in the sentence. In this case however Rosa is the only character in the scene so continuously telling me that she is the one doing everything is superfluous and it breaks the flow.

So to rewrite your example:

Rosa took off her shoes, and stepped onto the hardwood floors in the old Victorian home. Peering into the kitchen, from the dining room, there was no sight of a single soul around. Walking down the hall the sounds of giggling voices stopped her midway. They sounded as if they were coming from the back bedroom, so she then proceeded to walk that way. Her heart thumped against her chest. One step forward, and that's when she heard it, the deafening scream.

So I’ve not removed all the shes, having some if fine. I’ve just changed a lot of things from being ‘she peered’ to ‘peering’ and this works because it’s obvious who must be doing the peering.
In a scene with more than one character you would clearly still need to specify who did what, but even then if you specify that Rosa is doing something then afterwards anything else that is done will be assumed to be being done by Rosa, until you say another character is doing something.

Vote Up Vote Down

0 Reactions   React

Replies (0) Report