: Using "now" from a character's POV The story is written in 3rd person POV, close. But I feel like the very last end feels jarring. He trailed his hand along the railing as he climbed the

Vote Up Vote Down

If you feel the very last end is jarring, drop it.
This is purely a Question of style, which means either all that matters is what you feel, or you might like to join a week(end) seminar for writers where you could explore the topic in useful detail.
What's 3rd person POV, "close," please?
What might make this "objectively…" rather than just "jarring"?

(0)

Vote Up Vote Down

I don't know if "Not now" changes the depth of the POV, but I would argue that both of those last two sentences are repeating the sentence before it. If it's so close to his chance, we know he can't afford an injury right now. There's a few other instances of repetition I might eliminate that make for more concise narration.

so he could catch himself if he fainted or if his legs gave out from
under him.

He's going to fall with either of those events. You can use either of those alone to convey the full consequence.

it wouldn’t do at all if he fell and busted his face open

If he falls, is it expected he'll bust his face open? If he busts his face open, is it easily assumed that it's from a fall?
If we squeeze out some of those repetitions, we could get something like this that still maintains the deep POV.

He trailed his hand along the railing as he climbed the stairs so he
could catch himself if his legs gave out from under
him. He was too close to fighting for the title to ruin his chances by busting his face open.

(0)