: Does this opening paragraph grab your attention? (very normal setting) This is the beginning of a short story I'm writing: Jun was standing motionless at entrance of the 7-eleven. He was

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If you are going to expose what's going on inside the protagonist's head to the reader, don't waste your time on cliched drivel. Instead, have a packet of something hit the floor, which makes a sound and grabs his attention.

It's some relatively skanky white trash chick, but hot in a way. She dropped a bag of Combos on the floor and bends over to pick it up. He compares some of her features to his wife's. He contemplates whether he would like his wife to have a tattoo on her back like that girl's, weighing his sexual desires against the embarrassment factor, since he's more on the conservative side of the fence. "Perhaps a temporary one," he thinks to himself.
Anyway, then he walks over to the counter with a gallon jug of water and a half gallon of 1% milk. Normally he'd go to the grocery store for that sort of thing, like a normal person. In fact, he only visits a 7-Eleven maybe once in five years, and even then it's probably to ask for directions, which never works out too well by the way.
He's behind three other customers, the first two are an interracial couple buying several candy items and a 2-liter of Mountain Dew. Their bill comes to .62 and he thinks to himself, "Oh my gosh that's expensive for so little. I'm glad I'm not wasting my money on that junk."
It's half past ten on a Friday and a man wearing a green army surplus jacket, faded jeans, and a ski mask walks in the front door waving a hand gun. Crap, what would Stallone do?

I mean, have something happen, not just some boring thoughts going through the protagonist's head. Nobody thinks about Alzheimer's when they forgot what they needed at the store. They just think to themselves how dumb they are for not making a list after having the same thing happen to them 1000 times before.

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For me you kind of steam right into the detail without giving a little set-up first. I'd simply change things around a little like this:

Jun made a mental list of all the possibilities: chocolate milk, cookies, shampoo, washing foam, bathing foam, condoms... but as he stood there, motionless, in the 7-eleven he realized that it wasn't any of them. All around him students grabbed midnight snacks, office workers talked, and kids with dyed hair drank beer. He scratched his ear, lifted his head, searched his memory. His wife had asked him to get something, that was why he had come out in the first place, but now that he was here he had no idea what it was.

"How can that be possible? She just told me a minutes ago." He wondered if he was in early stages of Alzheimer or dementia. But he thought that was impossible, after all, he was just in his mid-thirties. Those diseases belonged to people with white hair and walking sticks. Jun decided to sit in one of the stools. He glanced at his watch. 12:30 a.m. He thought about calling her and took his cellphone from his pocket. He stared at the screen for a couple of seconds, but then put it back. "I better not call her." 'I just told you few minutes ago and you forgot?' she would say. He let out a sigh and glanced around. Realizing he was hungry, he headed to the food section and bought a hot dog and an iced coffee.

Something like that, anyway. Hope that helps.

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The main reason this doesn't grab my attention is that there is no sense of immediacy. We start with him standing there, staring, scratching his ear, lifting his head. So what? It doesn't give me a good reason to keep reading all the way to the hook where he's going "How is that possible? She only told me minutes ago."

Start with the hook. Let us know right off the bat that something's off. You could state it explicitly (eg. It had only been two minutes since his wife had told him what to buy, and already Jun couldn't remember for the life of him what it was that she wanted) or make it more subtle (eg. Jun wandered up and down the aisles of the 7-Eleven, ignoring the strange looks from the other customers as he focused his full attention on each section in the store). With better writing, obviously.

The other aspect that makes it lack immediacy is the verb forms (yes, there is a formal term for it that I don't know). When you say "was standing" or "was staring" it doesn't give you a sense of things happening now. It makes you feel more removed from the action, like you're watching on instead of being part of it. Instead of "was standing", say "stood". Instead of "was staring", say "stared".

Basically: Hook us, and make us feel like we're there.

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It was late at night, and Jun stood at the convenience store entrance, trying to remember what he was supposed to buy – his absent-mindedness prompting his first midlife crisis.

You've added a lot more details, but we've both essentially said the same thing. I don't find those details to be particularly gripping; in fact, they seem to have the opposite effect, especially in a story opening.

Rather than being intrigued by the character, I'm left waiting for something to happen.

Sure, the words aren't entirely without purpose: they drop hints about the neighborhood, the clientele, and Jun and Ling’s married life. Still, you asked about their ability to grab the reader’s attention. If such detailed descriptions are really going to grab my attention, they need to describe something far more intriguing than, "What was it... shampoo or milk?"

One other thing: no one drinks their beer inside a 7-11, especially not "youngsters". Munch on a chili dog? Maybe. Lug a six-pack back to their car? Happens all the time. But drink their beer in the convenience store? Now you've got a credibility problem.

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