: Re: Does my title/opening paragraph grab your attention? Saki's Sixth Finger Saki gripped her extra finger as she peered down at the beach. The plane was reaching Phuket, finally. Watching

@Holmes449

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No, sorry. I stopped reading at, "crystalline turquoise water and shiny white sand". Two adjectives per noun makes for ponderous reading. Plus, the use of "gripped" and "finally" implied tension to me, which was then contradicted by the sand and water sentence. Is she tense or is she calm?

I don't mind the idea of an extra finger, but would this character really think about it as "extra"? If I had been born with six fingers, I wouldn't think of one in particular being the extra one. I might think of being cursed, or defective, crippled, weird, freakish, or, on the other hand, blessed, special, lucky, unique. The words you choose to describe the extra finger will say volumes about Saki as a person and her attitude towards the anomalous finger. Compare this opening sentence:

"Saki peered down and saw beach at last, relaxing her grip on Double Digit."

versus

"Sake peered down and saw beach at last, tightening her grip on the devil finger."

In the first case, she (or someone) has given the extra finger a pet name that's a pun. She sees humor in it.

The second case implies a more negative attitude towards the extra finger. She reviles it.

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