: Re: How can I respond to praise without appearing egotistical? Background Alright, so my friends and English teacher recently found out that I've written novels, and asked to read them. So, I gave

@Phylliss352

Vote Up Vote Down

Underlying your question is what appears to be a belief in the following two premises:

It is difficult or impossible to respond to praise without appearing egotistical.
Appearing egotistical is bad and to be avoided at all costs.

Let's discuss each of the two premises. I most certainly disagree with the first one: there are many ways to respond to praise that have nothing to do with egotism. Some examples would be:

Thanks, I'm glad you thought my novel was good.

Thanks, I'm really flattered that you think I'll be famous some day.

Thanks! I really enjoyed writing the novel, so it's very nice that you enjoyed reading it.

The key to a non-egotistic reply is to acknowledge the praise but not affirm it. However, there is nothing wrong or egotistical (except maybe egotistical in a normal, healthy way -- see below) with showing that you appreciate the praise and enjoy receiving it.

Second, I feel it's also important to say that I don't completely agree with the second premise as well, in the following sense: you seem to shun the idea of appearing egotistical so much that you go to the opposite extreme and feel a need to actively deny the praise you receive, as in denying that you'll ever be famous and saying "No！ I'll probably never even get my work published". This kind of "reverse egotism" is (in my humble opinion) almost as bad as, and perhaps just as bad or worse, than "normal" egotism.

Think about it this way: objectively speaking, someone who has read your novel is probably in a better position than you to assess whether you are likely to become a famous writer. They know what it feels like to have read your novel and enjoyed it. Who are you to disagree? Isn't it in some sense just as egotistical to vehemently deny that your writing is good as to affirm it, since it implies a presumption that you know better than anybody else how good/bad your writing is?

The point I'm trying to make is that a modest level of egotism is normal, healthy, expected, and even appreciated. I'm sure you put in a ton of time and creative energy into writing your novels. With that kind of emotional investment, it would be completely bizarre if you weren't proud of it and obsessed about it. Your friends are probably expecting you to show pride in the work and are themselves proud to be associated with someone so talented. Why not give them what they want? Discuss the work with them, share the passion and emotions you invested in the work, and show them that you appreciate the praise. It won't say anything bad about you, as long as you keep your ego in check and don't let the praise go to your head in an unhealthy way.

(0)

Login to post a comment!