: Does this feel like natural English? Although I'm pretty confident in my English, I'm not a native English speaker. I need to write a short introduction for a symposium; I'd like to know if

Posted in: #NonFiction #TechnicalWriting

Although I'm pretty confident in my English, I'm not a native English speaker. I need to write a short introduction for a symposium; I'd like to know if you think this paragraph feels like 'natural' English:

The following paper showcases the various ways through which modern information technologies can be used to spread environmental awareness and teach the general public about the importance of conservationism, as well as present one of the many ways new technologies aid envoronmentalists in gaining a better understanding of the natural world.

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@Jessie137

In my opinion

The following paper showcases the various ways through which modern information technologies can be used to spread environmental awareness and teach the general public about the importance of conservationism, as well as present one of the many ways new technologies aid environmentalists in gaining a better understanding of the natural world.

should be

This paper shows ways modern information technology helps spread awareness of the environment and the importance of conservation to the public, along with one way environmentalists use technology to better understand the natural world.

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@Kevin153

It's (almost) grammatically correct, but it doesn't seem "natural" to me at all. It seems artificially passive and impersonal. Who uses the technologies to spread awareness and teach the public? The only two actors in the sentence are "this paper" and "new technologies." Where are the people?

That said, scholarly publications often seem to prefer a passive, impersonal style, which lends an appearance of objectivity. I think that style is slowly becoming less common, even in scholarly writing, but it may be exactly appropriate for this symposium.

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@Deb2945533

I heartily second @Cos Callis's suggestions. But I am more heartless than he, more savage; I would cut further. He suggests:

The following paper showcases the ways through which modern information technology spreads awareness to the general public of the importance of conservationism. This technology is but one of the many ways environmentalists gain a better understanding of the natural world.

To take just the first sentence:

This The following paper shows cases the ways through which how modern information technology helps spreads awareness to the general the public of learn the importance of conservationism.

Gives us;

This paper shows how information technology helps the public learn the importance of conservation.

But that's not good: "helps the public learn?" Ewwww! So:

This paper shows how information technology helps teach the importance of conservation.

And now for the second sentence:

This t Technology is but one of the many ways environmentalists gain a better understanding of the natural world. we learn about the world.

Technology is but one way we learn about the world.

And that's enough blood and Gore for today :-)

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@Yeniel532

It sounds natural, it is good grammar. It is fine the way it is....but...(you knew that was coming) I am a big fan of "short and to the point", with that preface here is how I would rework it. Feel free to take all, none or any bit of my opinion.

Depending on your meaning the sentence fragment:

...modern information technologies
can...

might be better phrased:

modern information technology can

Information Technology is a singular
field of study or occupation.
Information technologies are an ever
changing collection of knowledge,
opinions and paradigms.

it continues:

spread environmental awareness and
teach the general public about the
importance of conservationism

spread environmental awareness
teach the general public about the importance of conservationism

What is the difference? (what do you mean it to be?)

maybe (IMHO) spread awareness to general public of the importance of conservationism. would be more concise? (also, break on the period...start a new sentence.)

,as well as

This is good sign that you have a run on. After the period try

This technology (or these technologies) are but one of the many ways environmentalists gain a better understanding of the natural world.
(note: when you say "as well as present one of the many ways new technologies" "one" does not agree with the plural "technologies".)

The following paper showcases the ways
through which modern information
technology spreads awareness to the
general public of the importance of
conservationism. This technology is
but one of the many ways
environmentalists gain a better
understanding of the natural world.