: Re: How can I revise these sentences to be more correct while still keeping the effect? I have written these two sentences: Despite her temper, I loved her still. Or perhaps not despite;

@Hamaas631

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The second sentence feels grammatically incorrect because it's not a sentence; it's two fragments joined by a semicolon. That doesn't make it wrong, but that's probably why you're reacting that way.

If you want to keep the fragment style, I would tweak it thus:

Or perhaps not despite -- perhaps because of.

I made two changes there. First, I emphasized "because of", since that's the key insight that (I assume) you'll build out in the sentences to follow. The other is that I replaced the semicolon with a dash; a semicolon puts up more of a "barrier" between the clauses (like that one I just used), while a dash is more flexible. In this case the dash suggests a thought sequence, which seems to fit with what you're trying to do. (If you want to suggest a more gradual, contemplative process, instead of a dash you could use an ellipsis -- the first thought "trails off" to be replaced by the second.)

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