: Rhythm in the following passage I wrote the following: Having finished her breakfast, Tsuki went to take a walk at the beach. She made her way through the sand barefoot, feeling the

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Hmm, I don't see/feel any "more-than-average" rhythm/flow there.

E.g.

This was one of her favorite sensations in the world. It reminded her of a distant childhood.

I would change it to something like:

This was one of her favorite sensations in the world, reminding her a
distant childhood.

In your example there is a pause, so the reader can stop and think about the sensation. In my example it's presented as a fact that is not important to analyze or think about. You just accept it ;).

In crime/mystery stories you can often find out what thing is important, beacuse the author mentions it more than once or use more sentences like you have done. If it's something not very important and just helps to imagine the space etc. he puts commas there ;)

Btw. try to eliminate the vast usage of This, it, those. E.g. in your 4 sentences, 3 of them started with This, It and those.

I mean, it's OK for a non-fiction to be specific, but I would be more careful in fiction and try to start sentences with less pronouns. If it's possible.

E.g. try to avoid this:

This is my house. It is very big. And that thing is my car.

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Too fragmented for my liking.

First, the brakes cry foul as you change the tempo from fast-forward "Having finished her breakfast, Tsuki went to take a walk at the beach" to idle foam running between toes, without as much as a paragraph break. Give us a paragraph that introduces the beach, removing shoes, touch of sand - one paragraph of braking from breakfast fast-forward to dipping your toes in sea foam is really not too much to ask for.

Then - sentences this short are good for rapid action, breathless fight. Definitely not good for reflexions like yours, and the descriptions are lacking depth too.

It reminded her of a distant childhood: afternoons at the beach building elaborate sand castles with multitude of colorful sea shells decorating castle walls, drawbridges of driftwood and gates of sticks; swimming under the sunset, ...

Smooth it out. Give it flair. Make the sentence flow and build upon what she's missing, make it rich and desirable. The two ending sentences build a good closure for that, bringing the paragraph to a conclusion.

Then, having done that, use the "She sat on the sand and gazed at the sea..." as start of a new paragraph. You gained an insight, ended an introspection, reached a conclusion, and now it's time to move ahead with the life - starting with a new paragraph.

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