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Topic : Is the word "becoming" being used correctly in the following metaphor? We kept going until we reached a door. Finally! The corridor was deeper than I thought, like a tunnel. Or the bottom - selfpublishingguru.com

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We kept going until we reached a door. Finally! The corridor was
deeper than I thought, like a tunnel. Or the bottom of the sea—the
shelves and scrolls becoming the reef and algae that keeps the light
from flooding in. A little unsettling. Good thing we were about to
leave the place.

I'm not sure whether becoming is the correct choice here. I also thought of turning into but I'm not sure. Maybe I have to rephrase the whole sentence?


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I think a better way is just to go straight for the metaphor without any helper verb. Here it is with a few other modifications to streamline the prose:

The corridor was deeper than I thought, as dim and hazy as the bottom of the sea. Whole reefs of shelves and scrolls kept the light from flooding in.

This introduces the sea metaphor at the end of the first sentence (first as a simile, to let the readers get their feet wet, so to speak), and extends it wholesale in the second.


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Becoming works fine here, as a metaphor its valid enough and anything longer would bog down the prose. But I agree with Henry that out of context of other similar metaphors in your writing it could imply actual change, and distract the reader.

However, I believe that the suggested alternatives are too heavy handed and would only bog down the prose further; they're too formal.

Luckily I think you could just as easily remove it entirely, as you're describing how something looks, rather than what it's doing:

the bottom of the sea—shelves and scrolls the reef and algae that keeps the light from flooding in.

This approach simplifies the prose and stops the metaphor from implying actual change. (Note I've removed the leading the as well, to avoid confusion.)


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"becoming" implies an actual change in the form or appearance of the shelves and scrolls. Perhaps you would be better served with...

"serving as"

or

"embodying"


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